On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize