You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize