Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
