The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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