Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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