Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
