not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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