did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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