Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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