people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You don't make any sense
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