Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Pooping to opera.
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