im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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