Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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