Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
