hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
