You're so nebulous sometimes
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
