i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
