I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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