I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
