Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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