6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
