Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
