you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
