chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
