If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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