6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She's the barista slut.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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