How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Your penis caused this!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
