I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize