Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
