I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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