I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
