we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
