yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Randomize