DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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