Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
