im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
