I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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