what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't want my vagina anymore.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
