I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Welp...herpes.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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