And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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