the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
