Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm too high and old for this...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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