have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
