I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
