guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
