even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
