Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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