Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
