im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
