I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize