I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize