found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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