He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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