My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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