I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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