I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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