Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
