He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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