there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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