It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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