If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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