Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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