Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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