why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
we're making bets on your personal life
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
