some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
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