ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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