i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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