What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
